CLEVELAND — Losing a loved one is never easy, but the loss of an unborn child has its own unique set of challenges.
In honor of World Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, an Ohio playwright is taking his personal experiences from the stage to the screen.
What You Need To Know
- Oct. 15 is World Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day
- Cleveland playwright David Hansen shared his personal story of loss in a play that’s been adapted to film
- The film version of “I Hate This (a Play Without the Baby)” premieres Oct. 15 in Playhouse Square
David Hansen and his wife lost their first child about 20 years ago. Their son was stillborn.
“Child loss is really a taboo,” Hansen said. “Which is to say, to talk about it. It’s the thing that can bring the party down.”
To cope with that loss, Hansen used his journal entries during that time period and turned them into a play called “I Hate This (a Play Without the Baby).”
“It’s dealing with one of the greatest fears, you know, a parent could have,” he said. “And yet, those who do see it and experience it, it’s like we go through a transformation together.”
It’s a tough topic, but one that needs discussed, said Erika Kelley, a clinical psychologist in the obstetrics and gynecology department of University Hospitals.
“Perinatal loss is really unique and people often don’t know what to say, how to respond, and unfortunately that leaves a lot of people kind of avoiding saying anything or doing anything,” she said.
During the pandemic, when theaters were shut down, Playhouse Square’s Vice President of Education Daniel Hahn commissioned a film version of Hansen’s play to share the message with a larger audience.
“I think when the arts are healing, they’re at their best when they bring us together to be the best versions of ourselves,” Hahn said.
Hahn said he personally had a strong reaction when he first saw Hansen’s play on stage. He and his wife had a miscarriage and Hansen provided some comfort.
“He said, ‘No, you were expecting a child,’ ” Hahn said. “And that sentence has never really left me. And I think of the number of people in this community that were expecting a child and didn’t get to realize that expectation and how powerful that is.”
Kelley said that’s part of the complex nature of perinatal loss. Families are forced to grieve not only the physical child and their life, but also the future they envisioned.
“They were probably imagining what it was going to look like to hold the baby,” Kelley said. “What it was going to be like to have the baby meet people for the first time.”
She said there’s no right or wrong way to work through the feelings of loss and there’s no timeline to getting over the sadness. Instead, she said loved ones can help by being there to listen and validate, paying careful attention to their choice of words.
“Things like, ‘it happened for a reason’ or ‘you should just focus on the other things that are great in your life’ really don’t tend to be very helpful,” Kelley said.
That’s something Hansen experienced firsthand.
“Everybody was trying their best to say the right thing, and sometimes it kind of fell out wrong,” he said.
The film version of “I Hate This (a Play Without the Baby)” will premiere Oct. 15 at 7 p.m. in the Westfield Studio Theatre at Playhouse Square. The screening is open to the public and a live panel discussion will follow.
