CLEVELAND — It’s nearly impossible to escape technology as there’s seemingly no part of life it doesn’t touch.
Most kids can’t wait to get a smartphone and many parents struggle with when to say yes.
“It’s just caused a lot more problems than not,” said Angelina Steiner, a mom who lives in northeast Ohio.
Steiner’s daughter got her first phone at 11-years-old. She said it was her daughter’s father’s idea.
“Absolutely regret it,” Steiner said. “Eleven is definitely too young.”
Angela Gartner, the editor for Northeast Ohio Parent Magazine gave her sons a phone in middle school, around the age of 13.
“I think it’s actually better to wait a little longer with kids,” Gartner said. “I think the more mature they are with this, the better.”
The average age kids receive their first phone is 11.6 years old, according to a Standford University study. Most social media apps require users to be at least 13-years-old, but the National Institute of Mental Health reports brains aren’t fully developed until mid-to-late 20s, leaving kids to consume information they may not be able to properly process. Recently, the U.S. Surgeon General, Vivek Murthy said he believes 13 is too young for children to be on social media as kids are still developing their identities.
The Child Mind Institute mirrors that sentiment, reporting a link between anxious and depressed children and smartphones. More and more groups and movements like Wait Until 8th are popping up across the nation advocating and empowering parents to rally together to delay giving children a smartphone until at least 8th grade.
“The phone, it’s an open access to a lot of just things that just younger, younger youth should not necessarily see or have access to,” Steiner said. “At what age are they old enough to understand the consequences of their actions, and can understand the danger of the electric footprint that they’re putting out there for themselves at a young age?”
Steiner said as a mom she worries about online predators, inappropriate content, and cyberbullying.
“For me, it sort of boils down to that. What is it doing to their development? You know, how is it helping or harboring their mental health?” she said. “We know if it’s affecting adults, what is it doing to our young people? And I think that’s the conversation that we need to be having with them and understanding that and just the pressures of it, and it’s, it’s constant, they can’t ever get away from it.”
The Family Online Safety Institute (FOSI) knows she’s not alone and said for parents, communication is key.
“What we try to tell parents to keep in mind is just that it’s not about knowing every single thing about every single app, it’s not about having to be, you know, in the know on every new game that’s coming out, it’s just about really establishing the open dialogue with your child from a young age and wanting to create a space where if there is something that’s concerning to them, they will come to you and talk about it because then you can tackle the problem together,” said Emily Mulder, program director for FOSI. “It’s more about the relationship that you have with your child more than knowing every single technical thing,”
Steiner said establishing rules from the start is important. She recommends having your kids sign a smartphone family safety contract outlining the rules and expectations for the phone. Steiner also checks in regularly with her daughter and monitors what apps she has and who she talks to. She also said she takes the phone and puts it in a central location to charge at night.
“You don’t want to come across as the bad guy,” Steiner said. “But at the same time, you know, ultimately, it’s about their safety.”
Gartner said she sets screen time limits, uses third party parental control apps and also tries to be a good role model.
“Being that role model, putting down my phone when they’re talking to me, or you know, asking them to put down their phone when I’m talking to them, trying to show that mutual respect that, you know, I, we go through life with these things, and they are important, but we got to make sure to you know, teach our kids how to use them,” Gartner said.
These moms said you know your child best. Technology is inevitable. It is hard to escape it, but we can try to stay in control of it.
“It’s all about monitoring from afar, but also monitoring close, because you want to ask them really kind of what’s going on, because then they’re gonna get more comfortable talking to you about stuff,” Gartner said. “If they’re at that age limit, and you don’t think that they’re mature enough, you know, it’s okay to wait. There’s other avenues where you can communicate with your kids without giving them a full cellphone with all the access.”
They said while there are risks to be aware of, kids can really benefit from the connected world. With proper guidance, they said we can teach our kids to use technology to their benefit and not their detriment.
“It’s not something that we would encourage trying to, you know, put the genie back in the bottle on technology, because the ship on that has definitely sailed,” Mulder said. “But there’s a lot of room to be cautious, be diligent and just go about it the right way. Without it being a fear-based process. It’s about teaching them how to have a balanced approach to technology use the same way that we want them to have a balance with anything else that they do in their life.”
For more information and tips on keeping kids safe in the digital world, click here.
