CLEVELAND — Baking is one of Bobby Hillier’s favorite family activities.
He loves to make chocolate muffins with his step-daughter, Serenity, 6.
“Anything she wants,” he said. “She’s spoiled rotten.”
The 23-year-old said he always knew he wanted to be a father.
“I never wanted to be a mother,” said Hillier. “I wanted to be a father. I wanted to be the dad.”
Hillier is a transgender man. He said finding himself and accepting himself was a challenge growing up in the Toledo area. At first, he thought he was gay. He didn’t come out as transgender until he met his wife, Shelby, about six years ago.
“All three of us,” said Serenity while pointing at a family photo. “Yeah, all three of us. It’s always been all three of us, huh?” replied Bobby.
He said as Serenity grew up and changed, so did he.
“It was actually a really cool experience to transition while my daughter was growing into a young kid,” he said.
Nearly two years ago, Hillier had top surgery and in February, he started the process of phalloplasty at University Hospitals in Cleveland.
“I researched it for oh, years upon years before I had it done,” said Hillier.
Phalloplasty involves multiple surgeries that construct a functional penis from forearm skin. He has two more surgeries to go.
“My hand was really swollen. You couldn’t even see my knuckles for like two to three months. I’m starting to get feeling back here. I can just now feel right around here,” he said while pointing to the scar on his forearm.
University Hospitals estimates 40,000 people in Ohio have gender dysphoria. That’s when a person feels they are in the wrong body. UH offers the only comprehensive gender services program in the state. It also is the only hospital system between Chicago and New York that offers gender affirmation surgeries, which are often covered by insurance.
But Hillier said it wasn’t an easy decision to go through with the procedure.
“There’s so many complications,” he said. “There’s just, you know that’s changing such a large part of your comfortability. Changing that up forever is, you know, that’s crazy.”
Now, he said he’s never felt better. This is the most comfortable he’s ever felt in his body.
“It’s honestly the best feeling in the world to wake up in the morning and actually like what you look like. I never thought I’d be here, so it’s pretty fantastic.”
Hillier remembers feeling self-hatred and receiving hate from others.
Photo courtesy of James Dickerson
“Honestly, I wish I could go back and that tell myself that you’ll make it because then it would be a lot easier to handle,” said Hillier.
And now that he loves himself, the Hilliers hope to be accepted as a family. Unlike Shelby, Serenity has a father figure.
“I think part of it is because of the fact that I grew up without a dad and the fact that she has such a cool dad because they literally do everything together,” said Shelby. “They’re obsessed with each other. They cook together, they clean together. Anything he’s doing, she wants to help and it makes me really happy to just see that she gets to have a dad in her life the way that I didn’t.”
“I love him so much,” said Serenity.
Hillier can’t wait to fully be who he’s always wanted to be: A man. A husband. A father — with a body to match.
“I couldn’t imagine myself any other way now that I’m here,” said Hillier.
